Random quote: Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. ~ Mark Twain
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Elite Veteran
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Location: Inside the Writer's Digest office | You and a friend break into your neighborhood swim club late one night to go for an after-hours dip. While splashing around in the pool, you go into shock when a dead body floats to the top. Worse yet—it's someone you know. Write this scene.
You can post your response (500 words or fewer) here.
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Member
Posts: 42
| McCoy was a regular kid, not too popular, not too geeky, not too flamboyant and certainly not too shy. At 14 he and I had found the perfect friend in each other in our school. Once there was a jocks high school party in our neighborhood, McCoy was invited but he said he'd rather hang out with me who must be the only one not invited. Since he had favored me by not letting me sulk into cookies and TV that evening I had to oblige his demand to take out my Dad's Ferrari and give it a sneak peek, from inside, when the wheels are moving. We both didn't have any license but I had received my pocket money last week so there would be no problem with the cops.
As we drove back to my house, I stop the car and come out tired.
McCoy
Its ok no one saw us there, no one will know a thing.
I
But its a sin.
McCoy
You need a shower, come lets go in the neighborhood party for a quick dip, its probably over by now.
I
But that wouldn't change anything, you know that.
McCoy
Then maybe that's how God wanted it, now come on before anyone sees you like this all sweated up with me.
Both of take off our shirts, go in the pool and stand in front of it. McCoy dives looks at me standing behind. He comes to me.
McCoy
Come on, there's nothing you can do about it now.
And I dive in the pool, drown my face in and emerge out, cry. He hugs me.
McCoy
Its ok, come enjoy the pool. The water is still warm.
Both of us take some splashes in the water. We decide to see who can hold his breathe longer, both of us take a deep breath and descend in the water.
I come up but can't see McCoy anywhere, I turn around see a body in the pool.
I
Come on McCoy you're not aqua man.
All of a sudden 2 hands grab me from behind and I hear a shout near my ears, I turn around and see its McCoy laughing at me. Seeing the tears of fear in my eyes, he hugs me. I hold him, then look behind.
McCoy
What's the matter?
I
If you're here, then who's there?
I point at the body. McCoy turns around. He swims towards the body, brings it to me, turns it, and both of us are hell shocked to see his face. I start shouting and crying when McCoy shuts my mouth with his hand.
McCoy
Shut up you idiot, you'll get both of us in jail.
I
But McCoy, he's the, he's the same guy who came under my car. How can his body be here?
McCoy
I don't know, maybe he wasn't dead then and... I don't know.
I
But he'll be alright right?
McCoy
Dude he's dead, probably was half dead when you drove your dad's car over him.
I
I couldn't see him in the dark and we put his body in the car standing nearby.
McCoy
I guess that car must have belonged one of these party goers.
I
But then why would they bring it here, let alone leave it here.
McCoy
Maybe this time instead of trying a regular doll these dudes went for a dead doll.
He checks the body sees piercing's and scratch marks on it.
McCoy
See these marks, they've definitely played with this corpse in the body, what freaks.
Both of us get shocked to hear police sirens, we leave the pool immediately. I rush towards the gate when McCoy holds my hand.
McCoy
Not there, that's where they're coming from, hurry hide behind the house.
Under a bush, behind the house we see a big convoy of police cars on the gate, surround the house on all sights. A senior cop comes from a van and shouts on a mike.
COP
You're been surrounded on all sides, better surrender.
We decide to surrender when
MAN's VOICE FROM ROOF OF THE HOUSE
Better finish our demands or else
And we hear a gun shot and a hunk falls from the roof, we see his dead body and a bullet shot in his forehead. We look at the roof, see a man standing there with a gun.
COP
What are your demands?
MAN
You can start by bringing my brother inside. 2 cops without guns, bring him in.
COP#1
You mean the dead one in the
And man on roof fires a bullet at the cop, he falls and dies.
MAN
He is my brother, we have always committed all crimes together, rape, theft, rape, kidnap, rape, murder and rape. I don't know which bastard drove over him and had the balls to put him back in my car. I only wish I hadn't let my little brother alone there.
2 COP drag the dead body towards man on roof.
MAN
Be polite, is this how you treat your 14 year old brother. Oh my poor baby, so what if you're not a part of the crime, you're still our gang member (fires some shots in the air, laughs like a freak).
I
(whisper to McCoy)
Told you he was dancing like a kid on the road... What are you looking at?
Both of us look inside through a window and see it lit by candles and torches. We scan the room when, we see all party guys on their knees, hands behind their backs, on the ground with 3 guys standing in front of them with guns in their hands.
McCoy
Great now we're stuck on one side, relieved with the loss of guilt of the accident, only to be overshadowed by the fear of death on one side and embarrassment on the other. If we the cops see us, everybody would know we tried to gate crash the party, what image would be left of ours?
I
So now what?
McCoy
Lets make a sneak peek.
I look at the hostages inside, happy a little that our bullies were in our place now but more anger for the kidnappers for trying to hijack our school's representatives. Whether we liked or not represented it, these muscle hunks and cheerleaders were the one who put are school on the state map.
I
We cant leave these guys trapped in here.
McCoy
What can we do?
We see 1 guy inside checking out a girl in bikini. I make frog's voice.
McCoy
What are you doing? You'll get us caught?
3 gunmen inside look at us, we duck and hide.
I
Are you with me?
He gives me a high 5.
I
Here's the plan.
(I whisper in his ear)
We see cigarettes and bottles outside lying near the bush , I crawl and get them. I make more frog's voice, a hostage girl looks at me, I take off McCoy's wet shirt and slide my hands over his chest, hostage looks at me confused. I try to kiss McCoy, he pushes me away, I grab his hands and slap him. Hostage grins like she got the clue and feels itchy inside makes noises. Shakes her body like she wants to itch, cries slowly in pain, like desperate to itch, all other hostages look at her. All 3 kidnappers look at her, 1 goes to her, lifts her, grabs her hands, she resists. Other guy tries to help him and holds her from behind.
I enter the house from other window.
The 3rd guy is laughing the fun other 2 are having with the girl. I sneak up behind him with a beer bottle in my hand and am about to strike him when a gun shot, smashes the bottle into pieces, gunman#3 looks at me, points his gun at me, 2 gunmen push the girl away and point their guns at me. I look at the place from where the gun shot came, see stairs and a man come from the window, its the man on the roof with a striking resemblance to the dead man on the pool. He nears me, points his gun on my head. They all gunmen look at me with their guns ready to pop all its bullets in my shaved chest.
I
Please don't kill me I'm still a virgin.
MAN
Really.
I
Yes
I take off my pants.
I
Look at my legs, back and chest do I look molested, I don't wanna die a virgin.(start crying).
MAN
Sorry, but when smarties like you get all the jobs and achieve all the engineering feats its hunks like us who get the streets, drugs. Even the modeling agencies don't hire us anymore, even Ms. USA is now expected to know the Capital of US, where do we go then?
I
Don't kill me.
MAN
We've suffered enough, first the immigrants and now the local penguins, (spits on me) Good bye shiny penguin.
He is about to press the trigger when a burning beer bottle strikes his hand dropping the gun, all look at the place from where it came, we see all hostages standing free with McCoy who sneaked from the window from where we saw this all. We see all with burning beer bottles in their hands,
I
(grin)
Show them what East End High School is about McCoy.
Man looks at me.
I
Please don't kill me, I'm a virgin.
MAN
You bloody jackass. Kill them all.
I run, hide in the darkness and run upstairs. All hostages and McCoy hurl the bottles at the gunmen. Gunmen duck, man tries to backfire, when a burning bottle strikes his face and burns it. Hearing the hustle of the bottles the cops break open the door and take control of the situation by shooting the men down with snipers and machine guns. I go on the roof and embrace the wind from up there, spread my arms, all look at me, I bask in the pride, but feel cold, look down only to realize I'm standing in my boxers, so what I am a Tom Cruise fan and start dancing.
Edited by jaus tail 2009-08-12 7:33 AM
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Member
Posts: 42
| If anyone reads this please give a feedback, preferably not on the format, I'm working on it, just give your word on my writing skill.
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Member
Posts: 18
| jaus tail:
I'm not going to lie to you. There were a few moments when I felt you hadn't quite made your story explicit on some necessary details, so it could get a little confusing at points. Still, all of what I did understand was really creative and cool. Being a little more precise is the only advice I would give you.
But feel free to say that I should shut up, because I'm not a professional writer. I'm just writing back because you asked.
P.S. Nothing wrong with the format. Script is great for getting across a story quickly and immediately. | |
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Member
Posts: 18
| This all fits the prompt more or less, except that it's in third person. Is that cool?
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" said Joe, looking nervously around the dark and empty streets.
Rich, his companion, continued to try and open the locked door. "It's a fantastic idea, bonehead. We need to get clean, and we need to do it without anyone seeing us. What's better for that than a pool after hours?"
"Fine. Then open the door, would you?"
"I'm trying! It's just that my hands are a little... slippery right now."
Rich's hands were a little bit slippery, but that wasn't the reason that he was having so much difficulty opening the door. In fact, his hands were shaking, both with nervousness over what might come next, and with anxiety over what had just happened a few minutes ago.
The scene was replaying in his head over and over again. It had started the day before. Joe and Rich were doing their little act on the streets to try and get the money they needed to buy bread, when a man had come and asked to speak with them. He spoke in an obviously fake raspy voice, and hid his face with his hat. He had dangled a hundred dollar bill in front of them, and then had explained they would get plenty more if they would do a job. Then he had described a place and a person, and said that the person would be at that place at eight o'clock the next day, and then had said vaguely that it would beneficial to certain parties if he were to not leave that place. Joe and Rich had snapped at the offer. They had seen plenty of death in their time, and though they didn't have any significant crimes to their names, they didn't care much for the police and law and order. The next day, the person had arrived like clockwork. He was bigger than Joe and Rich had expected, and it took twenty stabs to kill him. When it was over, Rich had suddenly felt dirty, not just from the blood staining him, but in a far deeper way within. He had been trying to hide it from Joe, because Rich always liked to be the unemotional, calm one, but inside the matter was driving him crazy. Somehow, he hoped that washing away the evidence would help.
At last, the door swung open. Joe and Rich walked in, and heard their footsteps echo like gunshots in the silent hallway. The door shut behind them.
"All right," said Joe. "Where are the lights?"
"To hell with the lights!" Rich whispered, sharply. "We don't need attention! We'll use this!" He pulled out a flashlight that he had managed to steal from a hardware shop a while back. It was small and dim, but it gave them enough light to get to the pool.
"All right," Rich said, laying the light down. "Get off your clothes. We're going for a swim."
After stripping naked, the two of them started to try and wash off all of the stains on their bodies. As they were starting, there was suddenly a very loud plop noise coming from the opposite side of the pool.
Joe, curious, climbed out of the pool and grabbed the flashlight. He walked over to where he saw what looked like a dead body. He turned it over and shrieked. "Rich! Rich! It's the man we just killed! He's in the pool!"
Rich climbed out. "Stupid. That's not possible." He went over to the wall and turned on the lights for the pool, figuring that it couldn't draw any more attention than Joe's outburst. Then he gasped.
Not only did he immediately recognize, even from his distance that Joe was absolutely right about who the man in the pool was, he also saw that the entire pool was filled with blood instead of water, and that it was now dripping off of him.
"Someone's messing with our heads," he said, after thinking for a few seconds. "I don't know how, but that must be it. They saw us do it and they... I don't care. Let's get the hell out of here."
Hoping to not look conspicuous, they took the time to redress before going to the door. But the moment they did, they saw that it was locked from the outside. Meanwhile, somehow the body in the pool was being floated closer and closer, while the bloody pool was starting to overflow.
Rich worked frantically on it. Finally, he sighed in relief. "I've got it. Let's go."
They ran into the locker rooms. Rich closed the door behind them Suddenly, there was a sound coming from their right.
"Do you hear that?" said Rich.
"I heard it," said Joe. "It was from the showers."
Too curious to resist, they walked over to the bathrooms. There was another shock. The showers, toilets, and urinals were all spewing blood out onto the floor. And sitting in the middle of it was the body that they had left in the pool.
Without saying anything, they both ran back into the locker rooms, only to find that the lockers had all moved, stopping them from leaving the bathrooms. The two of them tried to push them down, but they absolutely wouldn't budge, and there was no way to climb over them to them. More and more blood was coming up, and the body was floating gently at them from the bathrooms. They screamed.
The next day, a janitor found a rather grisly scene in the pool. There were three of them. Two of them were found floating in the pool, face down. They have not as yet been identified, because their front sides have been so remarkably eaten away, as if they had been floating in that water for years. The third, a more affluent looking person, covered in stab wounds which were oddly absent of blood, was sitting on the lifeguard's chair, smiling at the other two. It has been chalked up as "Unexplained" in police records, and remains so to this day.
By the by, is everything going okay with you, Brian? Normally all your prompts are so nice and cheery, and all of a sudden here's one with the death of someone you know. Something you want to share?
Edited by Leond 2009-08-11 1:44 PM
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Member
Posts: 18
| I'm new at this. So please give me time for my writing to improve 
“So what do you think?”
I wait for my friend’s answer. I get nothing. I can see her with her blackberry, most likely doing another text to her boyfriend. I have to say her name at least five times before I get an answer from her. “Megan!”
Finally she looks up. “WHAT!”
I roll my eyes. This was supposed to be a girl’s night. We were going to sneak into the pool and not think about our latest guy problems. Okay, maybe my guy problem. But Megan told me she would be there for me.
“Can’t you at least put the blackberry away for an hour? Just one hour, that’s all I’m asking.”
Megan nods her head, but I see the eye roll she gives me. Note to self, never to ask Megan to go on an adventure.
Megan and I sit down at the pool just sticking our feet in. As we are kicking our feet talking about the latest gossip in the neighborhood, I feel something hit my foot. Looking down, I see nothing there.
I tap Megan on the shoulder. “Last one to the deep end is a rotten egg.”
Megan laughs and the two of us get up and prepare our jumps. Right before my jump, I hear a door slam. Megan goes in first and I look to see who might have come in. I’m thinking its Mr. Anderson who will yell at us again like we are still seventeen. Nobody is there, so I jump in the pool and swim as fast as I can. I get to the deep end and hit the floor at the end of the pool. “Ha, beat you!”
Wait, where was Megan? I find her in the center of the pool. Her face is in complete shock or is it horror? It’s hard to tell. I wipe my eyes and see her looking down at something. I swim over to the center.
“Is that?”
I look closer to what Megan is looking at. Yes, it is. The guy I’m dating, Jason is floating in the pool. But he’s not floating the right way.
Megan looks at me and tells me we need to call 911. All I can do is nod my head in agreement. I just stand there in the pool looking at his body. We only dated for a month, but he and I were really getting along. I could see a future with him.
I look up to find out what Megan is doing. Where did she go? I would assume she would just use her blackberry to call. I get out of the pool not caring if I’m soaking wet and freezing. I turn to the front entrance of the pool. I see Megan fall to the floor. Is that blood? I look back up and see Nick. Nick the ex boyfriend, the reason I came here tonight to get away. He has a knife in his hand.
“Danielle, I’m so happy I found you.”
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New User
Posts: 4
Location: Delaware/Maryland | This is my second post ever. Feed back is always appreciated.
“It’s ****ing hot out here,” Jamie said, wiping his brow. The two of us sat on my apartment’s deck. It was humid, as most Delaware summer nights tend to be, and we had nothing to do. That wasn’t new, but we were tired of it.
A glimmer caught my eye. Jamie must have seen it, too, because he was out of his chair, screaming, “I’m going swimming. Are you coming?”
The pool had been closed for hours. The only light came from a harvest moon. I’d never skinny-dipped before and with no lights, no one could see my special bits.
As Jamie hopped the fence, it clattered and echoed in the otherwise quiet night. He dove in and I heard a refreshed, “Ahhh,” while I was struggling to climb up and down the fence without making too much noise. I succeeded in doing just the opposite. No one seemed to take notice. I eyeballed the pool.
“What are you waiting for?” Jamie demanded.
“Shut up,” I mumbled and stripped to my underwear. I sat down at the edge, slipped my foot in the water and shivered. It was cold but it was just what I needed.
“Stop stalling,” Jamie shouted and splashed me. I responded by kicking water in his face, then complied by jumping in with a nice cannonball, if I do say so myself. After I’d gotten over my chills, I removed the rest of my clothes and came to realize what I had been missing in all my years in hiding.
I was feeling good until Jamie decided to take advantage of my self-liberation. He casually “brushed up” against me. I splashed him away when, like a bad movie, he called from the shallow end.
“What are you splashing at?”
I swam to the closest edge and leapt out of the water like a trained dolphin. “Get out. There’s somebody in there.”
In the moonlight, I could see Jamie’s face was surprised and doubtful. Instead of getting out, he swam to where I pointed. A minute later, I heard his voice, softer than usual, “Hey Steph, you might want to get a flashlight.”
My cell phone was in my towel, so I grabbed it and ran, still free, into the shallow end. Jamie swam over. I shined the light from my phone on a mess of black wavy hair. I held my breath and he turned the body over.
It was my roommate Sam. She hadn’t been home for a few days. From the trail of red that followed we knew that whatever had happened was recent and wasn’t an accident. I bit my tongue and looked away. Jamie pulled her out of the water, looked her over and said, “I’ve been waiting?” The words had been carved into Sam’s body.
“Is this for me?” I asked, looking around nervously.
Jamie studied her, “This isn’t good.”
She was pale, make-up streaming down her face. Her eyes were still open, staring as if someone was behind us.
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Regular
Posts: 84
Location: Second Life | Payback
By
Nedlo Wise
My name is John Miles. Now this name would not mean a whole heck of a lot to most folks living more then 50 miles beyond the four cardinal points of even the cheapest compass. However in Little Forks Arizona; John Miles, James Parker, and Roger Littleman were well known by most of the town's people, and especially Sheriff Bill FlatIron.
The town's name Little Forks would leave most big city dwellers with the impression this was a dusty speck on an Atlas road map and stuck in the middle of cross roads leading to nowhere. In fact most of the people in the town would have liked to keep that image alive. The truth is that the richest of the rich had discovered this town and were quite content to keep the less advantaged out of there sight.
Just slightly more then 100 years ago, forts and double wall cabins with gun ports were built that kept the ragged poor and bandits out of private enclaves. Today these old relics of the past have been replaced with high fences that surround fancy homes and recreation areas. There is a golf course and a couple of landing strips with planes that would bring in anything the outside world had to offer.
We weren't really bad kids, but some of the pranks we pulled would sometimes drive Sheriff FlatIron crazy. He never really came down too hard on us, and on more then one occasion would more or less get in our way when it looked like we were headed for real trouble. In a sense he saved three lives that could have been destroyed by prison time.
The most tempting thing for us was the fenced in swimming pool. In the hot dusty Arizona desert, that long sparkling blue pool was a beacon, and it would be the gold standard for a good prank. As I recall, on that night we had a couple bags of fermenting cow dung that was going to be liberally spread over those blue waters after we got done splashing around.
We made it into that enclosed cool blue oasis, skinny dipped to the bottom and floated on our backs from one end to the other. I was halfway across the pool when my head bumped one of the guys. Then I realized James and Roger were at the other end getting the dung sacks ready. There was someone else with us.
The first thing I recognized was the Sheriff's badge and then the face of Bill FlatIron. He was buried a few days later and someone in the rich community had gotten away with murder.
It's been fifteen years and those high fences still stand, but today the electric gates willingly opened up for me and my deputy Roger Littleman. James Parker now a top crime specialist with the Arizona Rangers had cracked the old murder case of Sheriff Bill FlatIron and we were there to make an arrest.
Edited by Nedlo 2009-08-18 8:52 AM
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Regular
Posts: 56
Location: ZAPHYRA | Please feel free to give me your feedback on this.
Sirena was always one to break rules. She was all for the sense of adventure and sneaking around, whereas I would rather not be discrete and mysterious.
So I was totally against the idea of breaking into our local swimming pool at around midnight to go for an afterhours swim. I thoroughly voiced my opinion of the matter. That it was 'careless' and 'immature,' but she didn't listen to me. She never does.
Sirena begged me to come along. "It's going to be really fun! You should come! Do something crazy for once!"
I didn't say anything. I never do anything wild or crazy. I'm not the adventurous type. Adventure=trouble, and I don't like trouble.
"Please!" she said. "Please! I promise you it will be like nothing you've ever done. You'll have the best time!"
I looked at her. Her blue eyes were bright and pleading. I sighed, realizing that I was giving in.
"Ok. Fine. I'll go. But if we get arrested, I'm blaming you."
The pool wasn't far from my house. When we got there, I started to regret that I had decided to come along. There was a sign on the fence that said the pool's hours on weekdays and weekends. I gulped. We are so going to get in trouble for this, I thought, panicking slighlty.
Sirena, wasting no time, climbed the fence and jumped over. I looked around, frightfully, figuring that someone had heard the fence clang.
"Come on!" she said. "Hurry!"
It appeared that no one had heard. I cautiously grabbed the fence and pulled myself over, successfully landing on my feet. Sirena smiled and took a running jump to the pool.
I had no time to shout at her before she cannonballed into the water. She came up, laughing. "Ah, this feels great."
"Sirena, are you fricken crazy? Someone could hear you."
"You worry too much."
And you don't worry enough, I thought to myself.
"Get in here, girl!" she said. "Or I'll pull you in."
"Fine, fine. But I'm coming in quietly."
I made my way to the stairs and began to walk down them into the water. Sirena was right. The water did feel wonderful on this hot summer's night. I dipped my head in, letting myself get completely submerged in water.
After a couple minutes, Sirena was not the only one who was insane. The water seemed to have washed my worries away, and I realized that Sirena had been right. I worry too much.
Sirena splashed me, giggling. I splashed back, getting her right in the face. She wiped her eyes, and then she squinted to the far end of the pool. "Hey, what's that?"
"What's what?" I asked, looking where she was looked.
She made her way over to what was floating on top of the water. It looked as though someone had left their clothes here.
A second later, I realized that I was wrong. Sirena let out a terrified scream and began crying hysterically.
I got to her as quickly as I could and saw what she saw.
There, on top of the water, was Tom Scott, Sirena's boyfriend, face down, dead.
My eyes widened and my stomach churned uncomfertably. Holding back vomit, with shaking hands, I checked his pulse. Nothing.
Sirena looked as though she might pass out as she let herself fall into my arms. My heart was beating out of my chest. I didn't know what to do. Stuttering, I said, "H-help! Somebody h-help us!"
"He's dead! He's dead!" Sirena was wailing.
Seconds later, I saw flashing red lights and heard sirens. Two police cars drove up to the pool.
"Oh, yes, the cops!" I said, thankfully, feeling as though I might puke any minute.
Four police men came out of the cars and walked up to the fence.
"Over here! Please help!"
"Janice Dyke?" One of them asked me.
"Er..yah." I was curious as to how they knew my name, but I didn't ask.
They opened the fence and walked over to me. They asked me to get out of the water. One of them grabbed Sirena as I came out, drenched from head to toe.
"Janice Dyke." One said again.
"Yes."
"You are under arrest for the murder of Thomas Scott."
My mouth dropped open in shock. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 190
Location: swamps o' Florida | Durn it! Way over count again 734 this time. I no likie word countie!
It was just so damn hot today. Work sucked as usual. One of those days one might say, but on the suck meter it was a perfect 10.
Sherry and I had just finished the last of the beer, we had been roommates for over a year, we had met at work and when I found out her boyfriend was kicking her out of their apartment I asked to her share the rent at the house I had been renting from my aunt and uncle for the prior six months.
“Damn it!” Sherry slammed her freshly emptied beer bottle on the cheap coffee table, “I am going to the pool! No one is there at this time of night anyway!” She apparently had the same kind of day I had.
“The Pool” belonged to the new posh subdivision that had sprung up in this little rural redneck-ville, and the last time the local kids had crashed it the sheriff dept. had sent in helicopters with night vision to track them down. No lie. It is a very posh development, only the best for the best in terms of law enforcement.
I was feeling the part of the “rebel without a clue” that night after discussing the many ways “the man” was creating a new slavery for his brave new world. Some civil disobedience sounded okay to me, after all it was just a quick dip in the pool.
We got to the pool okay, going through the thick hedges that divided my yard from their pool had caused some serious scratches, but with the beer I really didn’t feel much pain.
We hopped in and started swimming, and boy it felt wonderful, as I looked towards the deep end I recognized what I thought was a blow up water toy someone had left behind. I swam towards it because I was ready to lounge.
I let out a scream and almost vomited to discover that the pool toy was the body of a child. “Sherry! Quick call 911!” I screamed.
She hauled herself up and out and ran to her shorts to get her cell phone. As she did this I pulled the child’s body out of the water, he was maybe three or four years old.
After taking the child’s pulse, I flipped him over and pounded on his back to try to eject the water from his lungs. I started CPR.
I needed my recertification, it was so expensive now, and I cursed myself for not feeling like I could remember exactly how many breaths for chest compressions. After I pulled his tongue from his mouth and set his tiny head back I was relieved to see his chest rise and fall as I did rescue breathing.
Sherry came to my side. “They’re on their way.” I looked at her, “Call them back!" I told her after I started chest compressions, “I need to know how to do this!” She heard the fear in my voice and picked up her phone.
We could hear the sirens approaching from a distance, and when I got the operator on the line she aided me in feeling more comfortable about my CPR technique.
When the ambulance pulled up is when the neighbors started coming out. I feared what would happen if the parent of the child I was trying to help would do upon seeing this. When I heard only murmurs and no hysterical screaming I knew the parents were not in attendance at the moment.
The paramedics got the child’s heart beating again there at the pool. They loaded him into the ambulance. Sherry and I were so uncomfortable. The neighbors talked for several more minutes before returning home.
We visited the child, no one ever came to claim him as a parent or guardian, and as time went by and he was able to leave the hospital the little boy we called Todd became a ward of the state. It was later in the week we decided to apply as foster parents.
When the story hit the papers we became local heroes, and the posh neighborhood reflecting on just how many people were jumping into their pool at night put up a locking screen enclosure with security cameras.
Todd has been with us now for three months. He is a lot better now, and is starting to talk.
Nothing really sucks at all anymore.
Edited by Neets 2009-08-19 8:33 AM
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Location: Maplewood, MN | “I’m not sure I want to do this. What if we get caught?”
“C’mon Janey, there’s no one there this late at night. Besides, when was the last time you skinny dipped?”
“Uh…how about never? I’ve led a sheltered life, remember!” I grin in the dark at Sue. “Oh, OK, where’s the key then?”
Sue fumbles in here purse, then holds up the key in triumph.
“Ta-da!”
“By the way,” I ask, as she slips the key into the door and turns the handle, “Just where DID you get that key anyway?”
“Trade secret,” Sue replies. She pouts, then says, ‘Well if you must know, I asked that cute new lifeguard.”
“THAT guy? God, Sue, he’s so smooth he could slide uphill! Are you sure you want anything to do with him?”
“Well it’s not like I was asking him for a DATE or anything! Come on, last one in’s a rotten egg!” With that, Sue skims out of her jeans, tank top and underwear. There’s a flash of skin as she hit the water cleanly, swimming out into the middle of the pool.
“Come on in, it’s great!” she yells.
With some reservations, I pull off my clothes and gingerly put one toe into the water. The pool is heated and actually feels pretty good. I dive in, swimming as far underwater as I can, before surfacing, then diving and swimming again. I surface and look around. Sue is nowhere in sight.
“Great, I TOLD you you’d need to hit the restroom after all those beers!” I mutter. I close my eyes and let myself float in the gently moving water for a few minutes. I’m lost in a reverie when I feel something bump my right thigh.
“Quit it, Sue, I’m trying to relax,” I hiss. Something moves against my thigh again. Sighing with exasperation, I open my eyes, expecting to see Sue’s blue eyes peering at me with mischief. I see her eyes, all right, but they’re bulging, the whites speckled with red dots.
“What the --!” It’s then that I notice Sue’s towel wrapped tightly around her neck. She looks dead. Someone has strangled my best friend!
“Oh God,” I whisper, looking around in panic. Whoever has killed Sue is probably still in there with me! I flail in the water and reach the side of the pool, where I grab my clothes and run for the door. It’s locked. I whimper in panic, looking around for the key.
“Looking for this?” drawls a voice. I turn, my back pressed tightly against the door. It’s the lifeguard who gave Sue the key. He starts to walk toward me, and as he nears I feel the hot sting on my thighs as my bladder gives way. I know now that this is the serial killer the cops have been looking for for two months…and I am his next victim…
THE END
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Location: Columbia, SC | Shannon’s dark hair moved in the water like dark ink. Her agile body contorted like a marionette free of its strings. Her eyes smiled no more, but stared blankly into the starry sky. The mouth that always greeted you with a “Hey, y’all!” now screamed! No, the scream was mine!
Karen came up behind me and held me tightly as she pulled me out of shock and the water. Sitting on the edge of the pool, I could not take my eyes off Shannon. My best friend since high school lay floating in the glistening water. What happened to her?
Shannon was captain of our college swim team. She was a lifeguard at this very pool. She swam 50 laps each morning, just for fun. Surely, she didn’t drown. Why was she here?
Tonight, when I called to ask her to join our late night caper, she turned the ‘sporting event’ down. I smiled, remembering how she always found the zaniest phrases to shroud our silly antics. She needed to finish some important business tonight. “Don’t get caught,” was her laughing warning as we hung up talking. That was 2 hours ago.
Now, Shannon floated in one of the places that was so natural to her.
Somehow this balmy night had turned cold. I wrapped my arms around me as a shiver racked through my body. A breeze stirred and on its current rode the wail of sirens mixed with the muted voice of Karen talking on her cell phone. How long had I been sitting … staring … wondering?
Red and blue flashing lights colored the night and brought with them the smell of death. Interesting how emergency vehicles, police and ambulances can signal both hope and doom. Tonight, the cacophony of lights and sirens sang a song of fate. This is one backstage pass I wish I could have given back.
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| Being almost 30 is a real drag, at least that's what I've been telling myself lately. That was the thought going through my head when the phone rang. "Hello? Oh hey Avery what's going on?" the voice on the other end of the reciever was lower than usual and it was making it hard to understand her. "Are you alright? I can barely hear you."
"Clair I need you to come over right now, something bad has happened and I could really use a friend." I'm usually the type of friend that wouldn't even let you finish a sentence like that because I'd be at your house before you had a chance to, but tonight on the eve of my 30th birthday I really didn't feel like going anywhere and I wouldn't have if I hadn't heard the complete desparation in the voice of one of my closest friends.
"Give me 15 min and I'll be there" trying to keep the reluctance to leave out of my voice.
"Claire your the best I'll tell you all about it when you get here...oh I'm not at the house." I was afraid to ask, Avery was one of those friends that always had a surprise for you, completely free of any care in the world.
"Where are you Avery?" this time I let a little of my annoyance slip through.
"Do you know where the Swim Club is in my neiborhood?" Avery lived in a gated community that everyone who was anyone lived in, so everyone who wanted to be someone new everything they could about it.
"Yeah I know where it's at"
"Meet me in the parking lot" and before I could protest the phone went dead.
The drive to Avery's high class living arrangements wasn't very far from my digs. The drive was only about 10 minutes. I punched in the access code and watched as the gate lumbered open. When I got to the swimming pool there was Avery sitting on the trunk of her car. I parked in the vacant space next to her.
"I'm here, what's going on?"
Then I saw it, the grin that she gets when she totally got her way.
"Well....I accidentally locked my keys in the pool" I though my head was going to explode.
"What....that was your problem, that's what you dragged me out here for?"
"Calm down don't go all agro on me I really do need your help. I'm to short to get my foot up to the lowest rung on the fence to hoist myself over. I need a boost"
"You need a boost" This time I let all of my aggrivation with the situation bubble over.
"Well then lets get this over with so I can enjoy the rest of my night." with that i started to walk toward the gate to the pool. When i got there I lowered myself onto one knee and waited for avery to catch up. When she got there I gave her such a boost I almost boosted her completely over the fence.
"Hey, be careful" with that she flung the gate open just barely missing my face.
"Come on in before someone sees us." Once inside I scanned the pool side chairs for her keys, because of course she couldn't remember where she had left them, but there was no sign of the keys.
"Claire" Avery asked timidly "why are you having such a hard time with 30?"
I sighed "I don't know, i just thought i'd be farther along in my life by now. You know kids, husband, career but I just have me, me and me." Just then I realized how pathetic I sounded "I'm sorry I know I've been in pity party mode for awhile now" as I was talking I turned around to see Avery stripping down to her bra and panties.
"What are you doing" and before i could finish my sentence she was in the pool. I had to laugh, Avery always had a way of making me laugh.
"What are you waiting for and invitation"
"Avery, I can't, what if someone sees?"
"Quit being a sissy, get your ass in here" we were bothing laughing now. I stripped down and jumped in.
"You didn't really need my help did you?"
"Nope, just needed you to get out of that cave of yours and join the living" with that I shoved her head under water and swam in the other direction. I didn't swim far cause I ran into something, at first i thought it was avery but as i was treading water trying to clear my eyes I realized it wasn't Avery at all. The scream that was ringing in my ears was mine. I swam as fast as I could to the side of the pool where Avery meet me.
"What's wrong Claire? What is it?" all i could do was point, my voice wouldn't come no matter how hard i tried to explain.
"Oh my god" Avery shouted, and then it was like she went into clincal mode.
"We have to get the body out of the water" I shook my head, no way was i touching a dead body.
"Claire, snap out of it, what if we can save him" Then the world went dark for a second and slowly started to spin. I managed to pull myself out of the pool and lay on the side trying to clear my vision.
"Claire, get your ass up and help me" I looked down in the pool to see avery pulling the body toward the edge.
I got my barings back and grabbed the arms of the unknown man. When we had finally gotten the body out of the pool we were both gasping for air. At that point I really got a good look at our mystery man, and realized he wasn't that big of a mystery after all. Laying on the ground next to the pool we had just pulled him out of was Avery's dad. That was the day I saw the most beautiful, carefree person die. Avery fell to the ground next to her father, her sobs choking her. I didn't know what to do, but at that moment it was my turn to take charge. I called 911 and started CPR.
"Avery, look at me." I was trying everything in the world to tear her gaze from the lifeless body that lay before me, but that wasn't possible.
I administered CPR until the ambulance arrived and the EMT's took over. They were unable to revive Avery's dad they are ruling it a homicide. Avery is hell bent on finding out the truth and getting justice. I, as always, am along for the ride. | |
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| I'm not the greatest writer so some constructive criticism would be welcome
Thanks | |
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| Welcome LittleDarling. Nice build up (i'm really bad with build-up), it would have been better had Avery been in her 20s going through adolescence. Or as you have put it in your 30s you were in an evening party with when you have to leave cause your husband needs you (he's coming home early or parent teacher meeting with your kids). Then Avery says 'I wanted to get you out of the cave.'
You could have given it a more clear end, as of now the fight for justice and all doesn't make the story stand out. If you would have ended that at end when you call 911 all cops and FBI suspect you as killer. Example
You leave Avery's early party coz her dad wants to meet you.
When you find his dead body Avery's mother comes suspects you of murder, affair n all. Then when all FBI cops are taking u in van, u get shocked to see Avery's dad inside and all scream
'You just got punkd'
I have also posted my reply to this prompt. Mine would be the first reply, please give a feedback.
Then Ashton comes in and strip teases in the pool in his suit.
Sorry couldn't resist the last line.
Edited by jaus tail 2009-08-19 1:45 AM
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| Louriddell, I enjoyed your reply but just found one catch. You are the serial killer's next victim so would you not die, so every 'is' should be 'was'. But then you would have to create that you are a ghost and still keep the serial killer a surprise twist which would make it really complex, but when things go complex people get Oscars. | |
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Location: Columbia, SC | Leond,
I'm new to the site and writing prompts. I must say that this took a turn I didn't see coming. Wow! Pretty intriguing and the kind of 'movie' my children and their friends would run to see. The kind of story, I'd read with the lights on and dare not go near a pool for some time.
Good job!
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| Chris and I knew each other back in law school. He was my only friend in the city for a long time. Anyway he’s in town for the ING Half Marathon and he looked me up on Facebook. I wasn’t expecting him to contact me what with the way we left things at school but he did and it was like nothing had changed. He said he was coming to town and wanted to see me. I suggested we have dinner at Houston’s. It was just like old times. We laughed about our classmates. He told me who married who and who quit their job to go backpacking in the Alps. Anyway as we were driving back to my place Chris dared me to break into the swim club. I didn’t want to seem like a wet blanket so we parked the car and went to the back entrance of the club. I knew the code to the back door and I was hoping they’d changed it then we wouldn’t have to go through with breaking in and skinny dipping. I put the code in and lo and behold it worked. It was really dark but there was a full moon out so that let a little light in. Anyway we stripped down and jumped in. I’d never done anything like that before and I know its illegal but you have to understand I’ve done the right thing my entire life and for once I just let loose and did what I felt like and it felt great. Anyway I was swimming around when I realized Chris was gone. I didn’t know where he went. I started calling his name and swimming around for him but he was nowhere. Suddenly something grabbed my legs from below and pulled me under! I was so scared I sucked in this huge gulp of water! I could feel myself drowning! I started kicking and flailing and that’s when the body floated up out of the water. At first I thought it was Chris so I started coughing and hitting him but then Chris popped up beside me on my right and the person I was hitting was on the left. I started screaming and kicking again. Chris realized what was going on and calmed me down. We tried to pull the body out but it was too heavy. That’s when we realized he was my neighbor and he was already dead. I admit, I’ve had quite a few arguments with my neighbor about him leaving dog poop in the backyard and the smell of it drifting over into my yard. I talked to him about it and he acted like he didn’t even care. The next thing I was going to do was call Code Enforcement on him but I swear officer I had no reason to kill him you have to believe me!!! | |
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| Why isn't he laughing?
It was supposed to be an adventure. It was supposed to be fun. We were laughing. We were trying to be quiet but our laughter could probably be heard for miles. It was innocent fun, if anyone found us; we'd get a reprimand and maybe a slap on the wrists. Our neighbour wouldn't have pressed charges; he invited my family to his house every Saturday afternoon. Come to think of it, he probably would have laughed. But i suppose the most innocent choice in a person's life can have an outcome that could prove disastrous. If we had never come here, if we had decided to play by the rules or even choice any other night, we would have been fine. But we didn't.
This is probably the scariest thing I’ve ever encountered and by the looks of Liam's face, he hasn't experienced anything like this either. I mean, who, at 20 years of age, sees a body floating in the pool you were so innocently messing around in moments before. What's worse, when it was someone you've gone to school with for the last 8 years, their empty eyes, staring up at you? I used to know him, we used to be buddies. I remembered when his eyes would deviously glint as he dunked Sally Kliens hair in an ink well. Or remembered how his laugh would make those around him grin as well. He was infectious. Everyone loved him, but why is he here? Why isn't he laughing anymore?
I haven't moved, I can't. Liam stood up and walked away from me, he's staring out the window now. But i can't take my eyes off of him. His skin has turned pale, tinged with a blue hint. I want to swim back out to him. I want to breath life into him, give him my life. I don't have much to live for, he... he had the whole word in front of him. I only have Liam, Liam and our baby. No college degree... no prospect for a job or a future. He had everything. I would do anything if only to hear him speak. I can't move. I feel the hot touch of a tear fall down my cheek, why isn't he laughing?
“We need to go,” Liam’s voice sounds far away. I pretend like I don’t hear him, or maybe I just haven’t processed exactly what that means yet. All I can do is stare at the corpse as if that would bring him back to life. “Alice, we have to go.” This time I hear him, I tear my eyes away and I glance up at him. He is shaking, I stand up uneasily. It feels wrong to leave him lying there alone. Liam grabs my hand and pulls me out, I sway, I feel like I want to throw up. I feel sick.
“We can’t just leave him... he has to laugh again.” I say, I don’t think I realize that he’s dead.
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| "Mmmm... that was a delicious Caesar salad for a hot night like this, Mildred. Thank you. How about we go outside for a walk or something?"
"Well, I was kind of thinking of staying in and watching the DVD I rented, Lydia. I don't really want to go for a walk."
"How about a swim, then? Get cooled and refreshed in the soothing water?"
"You know, Lydia, that sounds wonderful, but the club is closed."
"No problem, we'll just climb over the fence, Mildred."
"Are you crazier than usual tonight, Lydia? This heat must really affect you. What if we were caught climbing? Two old ladies trying to get into the pool? That's what kids do. I'd be so embarrassed!"
"I know you have a young spirit hiding somewhere in that body. Come on, let's chance it."
"I don't know.... Oh, what the heck. Embarrassment never killed anyone."
The fence is easier to climb than I thought. I get to the top, then reach down to help Mildred who, at least, isn't huffing and puffing. The locker rooms are locked, so we go to a corner and slip off our pants and shirts. At least we had the foreknowledge to don our swimsuits before we left.
I jump into the deep end. "Eiyo!" I scream as I go under. "This is heaven!" I say when I emerge.
"Lydia, shut up! People will hear you," says Mildred as she steps in the shallow end. "Oooh, this is nice! I'll meet you halfway."
Laughing with abandon we meet each other and do the backstroke to the deep end. We splash around and spray each other, tiring ourselves out. Mildred does a backward somersault and comes up, screaming. "Lydia, there's a body down there! He looks dead!"
"Let me have a look," I say as I dive to the bottom. My god! It is a dead body, a man. I maneuver myself under him and struggle to get him to the surface. Mildred screams again. "What did you do that for? This is too eerie for me!"
"Come on, Mildred, help me get him out of the pool. We can't leave him here."
"Are you serious, Lydia?" She stares at Lydia's set jaw and says, "I guess you are." Together, they finally manage to haul him onto the cement.
"Now what?" asks Mildred. "I'd be devastated to be caught in here after hours!"
"Maybe you're right. Let's get out of here and call the police from a pay phone."
"You know?" says Mildred. "I recognize him. It's Aaron, my gardener. Oh my god, with our prints all over, they'll think I killed him."
"No, Mildred, this place is full of prints. Don't worry."
"You know me, Lydia, I'll worry until the case is solved and I'm not in jail."
"Come on, Mildred. Let's make that anonymous phone call before we're caught." | |
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New User
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| Hey, this is 519 words. My first post here.
Mike Smith and I brought our towels one hot summer night to the Queens public pool after the gates were closed and the guards went home. City lights and moonlight illuminated the pool and gave it a heavenly blue hue that inspired deep calm. It was quiet in the outer borough and the two story single-family houses that shared walls basically made up the neighborhood. You had your police, firefighters, teachers, nurses, construction workers etc. It was a neighborhood wherein we all knew one another to a degree. You get your coffee in the morning and say hey to Bud the deli clerk or Hassan, a Pakistani coffee shop teller. Your dad’s buddy is a fire fighter and that guy’s buddy is a cop whose kids go to school with you. It’s a web.
Mike and I hopped the fence. I quietly slipped into the pool without turning around. Mike soared over my head in a flash as he took a running leap into a front flip cannonball. A huge splash shattered the silence. He came up and we laughed. “Hey, haha, you mother ****er!” I cracked, wishing I had done a front-flip cannonball too. He laughed back as my expression changed. I looked toward the far end of the pool and squinted. “I think someone else is swimming over there.” He looked at me and said, “Ah, ****.”
If that guy was swimming illegally, he wouldn’t win by reporting our illegal swimming, so we approached cautiously. The man was floating face down in the shallow end. It was a white male, about 180 lbs., middle age with light brown hair that was thinning on top. He was shirtless and wearing tan shorts or bathing trunks. I splashed, trying to see if he awoke. He bobbed like a cork in the water.
“Should we tell someone?” I asked Mike. He thought for a moment as he stared at the body without responding. My friend’s blank expression made my mind start to race. “We should report it, I mean, he’s dead, the cops won’t charge us. We’re good Samaritans for reporting this. "Am I the only one thinking here?" my inner monologue cried out. "We’ll just say we were walking by and saw this guy in the water face down,” I said, trying to think up a solution. I exhale an, “Ah, ****.” Mike flips the body by its shoulder. The man’s arms dangle down in the water as he floats on his back. His face is now up and I clearly see it’s Mike’s uncle.
“Mike, I’m so sorry” I say, not sure what else to do. They say it at funerals, but I figured, now is an equally appropriate time. He continues to stare blankly and gets out of the pool via the steps. “What are you doing? We can’t just leave him here.” I say. Mike starts to towel dry and says, “Well, cops don’t want you tampering with a crime scene right? Besides, how would you find him floating as you walked by if you dragged him up out of the water now and left him there. They'd know somebody pulled him out.” I look back at him starkly. “Right,” I reply cautiously thinking that may be the right approach. I back away and slowly eased out of the pool after staring in the dead man’s open mouth a moment.
To be continued...
Excerpts and summary from the next part
Mike and I call the cops after drying off. Rehearse our story after changing clothes at my house and tell the first cops to arrive that we were walking and saw the body floating. Detectives bring us to the precinct for more questioning. We're not suspects they say. At the stationhouse, we're put in separate rooms. Det. Mallard asks me, "So, where were you again when you first saw the body?" "Walking down Sexton Place, heading to Riverhead Drive, when we saw him floating." Det. Mallard replies, "I don't like liars kid. Especially liars in a murder investigation." I respond, "Lawyer!" I think I know my rights and think Det. Mallard will play by the rules set forth in the Constitution guidebook. Det. Mallard cuts in, "Can you see through walls kid?" I stare at him, shaking. He repeats the question. I look at him, wondering how to reply to this obviously rhetorical question. Det. Mallard: "Well, there's a wall there kid. Where were you really?"
Also to be included, Mike's interview with Det. Quomo of the detective squad. Is it a murder? And, if so, who did the deed, why and how.
As I said, to be continued.
Edited by CRTucker1 2009-08-22 1:21 AM
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Location: Same place, just 17 years later | "Omigosh, this water is so cold." Mia spoke lowly, unafraid to of getting caught. Her best friend Amber sat on the edge of the pool on the number three--three feet of water was enough for her, even if she hadn't made it inside yet.
"Good, that's what you get." Amber said. She broke off one-third of her smore's Pop-Tart and took a bite and said, "they cut the warmers off thirty minutes before they close. You know...so people won't break in and swim after hours."
"Duh!" Mia rebuffed an splashed water towards Amber. The air smelled sweet, like a fresh pineapple had been sliced. A Parisian man, who was washing dishes in the club house kitchen, was singing in a high octave, golfers were heard as they left the clubhouse's side entrance, drunken and hysterical, they were heading for home; Amber spooked easily and questioned all of the activity.
"Listen, we're not gonna get caught," Mia said. Amber didn't believe her and she shook her head in denial.
"Look, just... just get in. I'm gonna go to the 10-spot." Mia said, and dipped her velvety blonde hair underneath the water. Her hair, closely cut and cropped near her ears melted downward like it was glued to her wet pale skin; her lips darkened into a deep fuchsia color once she came up for air; she exhaled and laughed loudly and said, "I almost swallowed the water."
"Shhh, their gonna catch us." Amber warned. She removed her feet from the water and walked towards the ten-feet pool marker where Mia had swam to and waited for her there.
It was darker at deep end than it was at the shallow front, and that gave Amber some security in being inconspicuous until all the staff had gone home for the evening. By then, she would certainly feel confident about taking a plunge.
"Stop, Mia!" Amber said, loud enough to be heard underwater, "I'm not gettin in yet, so, stop playin with my feet."
"What are you talkin' about? I'm not even by you." She answered and swam towards Amber.
Just before she could make it to the edge, a leg collided into her's. She knew it couldn't have been Amber, because Amber doesn't swim past three-feet of pool water.
"Oh, my gosh!, Oh, my gosh!, Amber, what is that?"
"I don't know. I don't know, " she said and thrusted her jet-black hair off of her face and behind her ears and onto her back.
"IS it a body? Oh my God, is it a body?"
"I can't see, I can't even see you." The pause of voices was overcome by fast breathing and methodical paddling in the water, and then, the shriek that would've broken a window.
The two girls fastidiously pulled the limp and dank body out of the water; then, they dragged him towards the spot where the half-lit moon made the cement glow.
"MIKE!" Mia screamed, "MIKE, wake up. Please, Mike, omigosh."
Amber swallowed once and her deep gulp had put a unbearable lump of guilt in her throat, fear became the other lump; unable to swallow, hyperventilating, she fainted. Mike, Mia's little brother snuck out behind them, and took a shortcut to the pool. Knowing the little prankster was like knowing Ashton Kutcher's comical side of his hit show Punk'd. As she continued to pound on his chest to revive him, he clutched her hand in mid-air and snickered, saying, "you've been punk'd!"
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| "Um, should we really be doing this?" I asked, turning to look at my friend Sara. She laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
"Don't worry, we won't get caught. We're only going swimming, it's not like it's a crime or anything." She replied, ruffling my hair as though I was her little brother and not her best friend.
"Uh, yeah, actually it is a crime. Breaking into the public swimming pool in the middle of the night is most definitely a crime." I said, not convinced. Sara rolled her eyes.
"Look honey, I'm doing this for you. You've been moping around in your house for a month now, ever since Ian broke up with you you've turned into a turtle. Hiding from everyone.”
"Hey! I am not a turtle! I'm just a little depressed. I was kind of under the impression that he was going to marry me okay? He even gave me a promise ring..." I looked down at my hand for a moment, it was still on my finger, i hadn't had the courage to take it off. The silver ring with a milky stone at the top, Ian had said it was like a crystal ball, sealing our future together. I felt like crying.
"He promised..." I whispered, running my thumb over the ring delicately.
"Okay, that's it!" Sara said, grabbing my hand and ripping the ring off my finger. She threw it as hard as she could and i watched in shock as it disappeared into the darkness.
"Why did you do that!?" I cried.
"I had to. Ian cheated on you; he made a promise and broke it! You have to stop looking at that thing! It's draining the life out of you Cat!" She screamed. I looked at her, she looked angry.
"Okay." I said quietly. She smiled.
"Okay then. Well, we're here. Are we going to swim or not?" She said, although she didn't wait for my answer and started hopping over the fence. I sighed and followed, it was only swimming after all, I might as well.
Just as I landed on the other side I heard a splash and saw Sara diving in. The water hit me in the face and I laughed.
"Come on in Cat! The water's great!" Sara yelled before she dived under. I smiled a little and carefully slipped off my flip flops. I walked to the edge and closed my eyes.
I don't need Ian, I thought, I don't care that he broke his promise, I don't care that he cheated on me and I don't care that he broke my heart. This pool is a baptism and as soon as I jump in I'll wash myself of him, he will disappear. I smiled at the thought and jumped. The water had never felt so nice.
"See? Aren't you glad you came?" Sara asked and I laughed.
"Yeah, I am."
Suddenly I saw something float to the top in the middle of the pool. I slowly swam over to it and flipped it over.
An empty face stared back at me and I covered my mouth to restrain my screams.
"Ian..."
Edited by MokoMokoMonster 2009-08-23 1:20 PM
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New User
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| oh and I would really appreciate it if anyone who reads my story (i'm mokomokomonster in case you didn't know.) would comment. Tell me if you liked it and you don't have to spare my feelings, tell me if you absolutely hated it too. | |
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Member
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Location: on a farm in a rural state | Hi. Just read your piece, and thought it was good. I think from the story you have started, you could easily work, at least, a short story from it. It has lots of potential. | |
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Swim Club Scare - 8/11
