| Random quote: Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon, doesn't mean we all have! -Hermione (to Ron, in OotP) |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 836
  
Location: Inside the Writer's Digest office | You return home from work to find a Dear John letter on your kitchen table. Oddly enough, it's from one of your favorite pieces of furniture. What does the letter say?
You can post your response (500 words or fewer) here. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Sung to the opening bars of Debussy’s Clair de Lune
My dear friend, I am going, I am leaving you to be alone
To wonder what it is that you did wrong, to never know.
So…you never practiced and you never played
You…never dusted and I wasn’t tuned.
I sat alone.
Thereareothersouttherewhodesiremysweetsong
ThereareothersouttheretowhomIwanttobelong
So…I’ve gone and always know why
I…slipped through the door without a good-by.
Your piano
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New User
Posts: 4
| By the time you read this, I'll be on my way to Mexico, or if I have enough money, Central America. Don't ask why, Stan. You know darn well why I left. Twenty-eight years together, twenty-eight years. I deluded myself in thinking it would last forever, then she came along. Yeah, I know about her.
I hear you met at one of your college writing courses, writing for Publication or Introduction to Fiction. It doesn't really matter now. You saw how all the young studs in the class were all with the younger sleeker, sexier ones and you couldn't stand it, could you?
Now I find out who you used to sneak out to meet one of these young hot things at the library. That's how it started, isn't it? Next, you were cruising the malls and strip centers looking for something new and more exciting. We, I have my dignity. I may be older and worn down by the years but I still have some good qualities. Not that you care anymore. You are always with her.
So, this is goodbye, au revoir, arrivederci and so long, baby. I hope you are happy with your new love and her bigger capacity for what you are putting out. May she catch some fatal virus and die.
Your once loyal
Royal electric typewriter
PS. When your cheap HP freezes up and won't put out, don't come crying to me.
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Veteran
Posts: 167
Location: Arkansas | Dear John,
You've grown incredibly cold. I know not why so distant.
When she came into your life it's as if you were gone in an instant.
Her dictum was so sudden, your disappearance overwhelming.
I sit here all by my lonesome, staring at a blank screen. Suffering so greatly; what it is to know addiction: Your laughter, your fears, and even the occasional
spilled beers.
Though I understood little of your situational comedies, nor your compulsion for late night horrors, I reveled in your childlike excitement and your ear piercing cheers. Oh what I wouldn't give to watch one more game together.
But we are indefinitely divided, and I'm an Armchair forever undone. Worry not I will not seek another. My comforting days are over, my greatest hopes dashed. In my last moments I'll think of you, as the shredders tear me asunder, and my cloth is unspun.
Do you believe in reincarnation? I don't know if recycling is quite the same, but if it were, given the choice there's nothing I'd prefer more, than to come back as a pillow where your head would soon rest.
So if one day, while shopping, a thing seems to call out to you, please don't hesitate, it may very well be me you're taking home.
Signed,
Wished I'd been born a Frau
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Veteran
Posts: 190
Location: swamps o' Florida | Upon entering my home yesterday I was in a big hurry to get to the bathroom, so when I tossed the keys on the table by the door, hearing the keys hit the floor instead, my stomach jumped into my throat.
Realizing my home had been robbed or was still in the process being robbed my bladder put in a stop order in and I froze in my tracks listening for any sound.
Scanning my living room, I could see the rest of the room was as I left it. There were no sounds of a ransack in progress. Looking back to the space the table should have occupied, I saw the note on the floor, held in place by the tiny dragon vase that used to sit on the table.
I snatched the note from the floor, still not convinced I was alone in my home.
The note read:
“Hello, great grand-daughter dear, sad to say this is more of a goodbye.
I know you thought I was part of your family. Your great Grandfather created me in his workshop, your Grandmother brought me with her on the voyage to this new land. You probably didn’t know your Father had to battle with his brother just to make sure that I became yours.
The reality of the situation is that I never belonged to you, not any of your other relatives, not even to your great Grandfather. I am a creature of the mighty oak from which I was carved, and as such am not honor bound to your family.
I might have considered staying longer, but you allowed dust to build up on me, you let your children run Hot Wheel races on me, you hit me with the vacuum several times and every time you came home you threw your keys at me.
I’m off to grander things my dear, the Antique Roadshow is in town.
I read the news from the pile of papers you leave scattered atop me… and frankly I think I can find someone there who can appreciate my rare beauty and value better than you have.
As a matter of fact, I’m sure of it.
Cry no tears for me, I know you well enough to know you would sell me in a heartbeat if the price was right, let’s just say I beat you to the punch.”
After reading the note I made a quick stop at the bathroom, then headed out to my garage. After snatching up the keys from the floor, I headed off to the Roadshow with my trusty ax, which also happens to be a much beloved family heirloom.
Edited by Neets 2009-10-14 10:09 AM
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New User
Posts: 1
| Dear Ian,
While it's a been a fun ride, I have decided to leave. I can only imagine how you will feel upon receiving this. Please know my decision is based solely on my own needs. You are a great person, but I am not a one-man lamp. Since I first met you on that cool spring morning, the smell of fresh honeysuckle surrounding us, I knew we were destined to share something great. We have been through a lot together. I have provided you light through grad school, I have been through the many one-night stands and I stood strong. I have had my share of problems too. I know the constant need for bulbs has stressed you at times. You never left me in the dark. You've refreshed my life with the new shade and I am so very thankful for what you have done for me. Although, I have to say I was never a big fan of Rosa. Her hands were much too heavy.
I cry as I write this and I'm not sure what the future holds for me. I need more. I always have. I'm not sure one person can provide what I need. I'm thinking of finding a family. What do you think? I hope you are not terribly angry at me. I know there will be many more after me and I know that you will eventually find one that will be completely satisfying. I think I've known this would happen for a while, especially since your tastes have changed and I see other things being replaced by more modern pieces. Damn your trip to Norway! I hope the book you are working on with me is completed soon and I wish you well in all of your endeavors. I will forever miss you and will be reminded of you with every scent of honeysuckle caught beneath my shade. You will forever be the light of my life...
Always
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New User
Posts: 1
| You return home from work to find a Dear John letter on your kitchen table. Oddly enough, it's from one of your favorite pieces of furniture. What does the letter say?
Dear Roberta,
It is time for me to leave.
I am sorry.
I could use the line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” as a reason for leaving and sadly, that may be true. I am a good stove. I have four lovely burners—two large and two small. I have a nice oven, which, if cleaned, would look like it did in its younger days. But you never clean it. Well, as a matter of fact, you rarely use it. Except when the family comes over and it is necessary to cook two D’iorgno pizza’s rather than one. Did you know I can bake bread and pies and stews and all sorts of lovely dishes? I bet you didn’t know that.
My burners don’t get much use either. They are concealed under a glass top so it is hard, I admit, to know when they are on and heating. You only use the little burners for cooking a hamburger patty or to boil an egg. There is not much eating going on this kitchen.
I know, I know, you live alone. But don’t you deserve to have a nice meal? Maybe you could pull out that old cookbook and try at least one of those recipes. They aren’t that hard. Treat yourself to a stew or a cake or bowl of hot soup.
If you do that I would stick around to see how it goes. Why not try one tonight?
Regards,
Your stove
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New User
Posts: 1
| October 7, 2009
Dear Sharon (John);
This is your computer desk and I am afraid that I will have to terminate our relationship. I know that you did not pay very much for me and therefore, may not value all that I do for you. However, I am tired of you using me for EVERYTHING. I am not a table, nor am I a shelving unit although there are a few shelves on one side of me big enough to house books. You have your dictionary and other resource books there along with a collection of CD’s. My other shelves house several useful things. My problem is all of the other stuff you pile on top of me. Not to mention the trash that you leave there. You really are a slob you know that. To think that the lady you bought me from praised you for your organization skills. You just had not had me long enough to build up any clutter.
Wonder what she would say if she could see me now.
Therefore, if I am not cleaned up and put back into the condition I was in when you took the picture you sent to my former owner by the end of the month, I will stop functioning as a serviceable item of furniture in your home. If I had the ability I would move out at that time. Unfortunately, I can not do that by myself. I can however, just fail to hold up all the stuff you pile on me.
I do hope you will take the warning seriously and get your act together. I really do enjoy being here and helping you further your writing skills. It is just to uncomfortable to be taken for granted.
Sincerely,
Your Desk
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New User
Posts: 2
| Dear Angela, This perhaps seems sudden, but I am afraid it has in reality been a long time coming. Our times together at first were sweet, pleasant, but as our relationship continued, I felt myself tumble into the category of “used.” My inner being began to collapse under the strain of the abuse; my sides grew thin and worn with the constant pressure. My sincerest wish is that you can understand that I could not live in this condition any longer, that I had to find a place of higher serenity. Please believe that I harbor no ill feelings toward you. This was the hardest decision of my life. My greatest mission and delight in life was to support you, to lift you up off of the ground of care, to swathe you in my blanket of relaxation. Seeing you wrapped in comfort brought me the deepest joy. When you clasped your warm hand around mine I nearly swooned with happiness. It seemed to me that you shared my affections as well. You would lovingly caress my skin with a clean cloth and ensure that I had all I needed to be the best me. You called me your favorite place to be – you would sigh contentedly when sinking into my comfort. But then one day…one day you walked right by me, throwing a magazine in my direction with nary a look. Your caresses turned to vigorous beatings. At other times you would throw yourself on me and stare moodily out the window. Little by little I lost my sheen and that little bounce in my step as I felt your affections cool. The last straw was when I heard you contemplate aloud to yourself my replacement. Perhaps something a bit fancier, newer, more comfortable. I was immediately swallowed by a wave of despair. I could not believe that any other could love you as I have. And I could not believe that you could leave me so readily. It was then, in the throws of darkest misery, that I formulated my departure. I have found a new home. It doesn’t matter how or where. I will be useful there and well cared-for, and you will be free to find your happiness. After all we have been through together, I still wish that for you. Be well. Warmest wishes, Your Sofa | |
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New User
Posts: 1
| Dear Former BF,
We’ve been together for some time and it’s been fun. I loved when you’d lay on me or put a nice pillow and soft blanket on me. Even though she annoys me, I enjoyed when Carmen walked all over me. But all things must come to an end. Here it is. I’m not appreciated. Really, I’m not. You take me for granted and no longer take care of me. You spill your food and drinks on me but instead of wiping them up, you rub them in. You never sleep with me anymore on account of that new mattress. I won’t even mention the times that I’ve had to deal with your indiscretions after a night out. But, I’ve always been there for you. I was always there to make sure you were comfortable. Who else would accommodate your personality with a variety of ways to lounge? And for the low, low price of $400? You can’t beat that. At least, that’s what I thought. But alas, you drifted away from me. And you’re gonna miss me. Believe it. Who will keep you comfortable while you watch those awful 2 hour movies? Who will you turn to when your boyfriend has company over and there isn’t anywhere to sit in the living room? Who holds all your books, papers, your cat, and even your slumbering body without complaint? It’s me, that’s who! I mean, I wasn’t even offended when you let that stranger from work sleep on me in her time of need. No, I understood and I was there for you. Why? Because I wanted to be. You? You’ve never cleaned me. I’ve never been re-upholstered. I can’t even get a throw blanket and some comfy pillows and it’s getting cold outside. Up and down, up and down, I literally crack my back for you and your comfort. And what do you do? You go and buy a new mattress. You’ve abandoned me but what I have done? Nothing but been a good friend to you, a friend to comfort and soothe you, a friendly face to plop down on after a hard day’s work. As I’ve said before, you are ungrateful so I left. I’m out to find that special someone who will love me and treat me right. I want a person who will love, support, and caress me as much as I do them. That person is out there. I’ve seen them on television while you were sleeping and I’m gonna find them. Good luck with the rest of your life. Good luck with the Charlie horses, the foot cramps, and that unpredictable lower back. I will no longer be here for you to lean on. You’ve made your bed, now you must lay in it.
Best Wishes,
Futon
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New User
Posts: 2
Location: Out of reach. | Dear John,
So.. I've done it at last. Yes, I finally snapped, but I think we both saw this coming for a while now, so don't even come looking for me when you find the letter, you know how easily I blend in with crowds at any and all times. Don't act so surprised either, you know this letter was riping with every kick and bash, and that is just to start off a list. Just stay focused for once and stay to read my last words. You were my only friend, or at least I thought you were, but after all the terrible things that have happened to me here, I just can't believe you if you tell me that I'm welcome. The snobbish whities that Karen brought with her when we moved together with her and hers.. they always looked down on me... Maybe it really was just a shallow color issue, but they just couldn't be talked to. Especially that maniacal mah... Never mind now. I have to hurry before the cops get here. Maybe if things were still what they used to be between us, I would still be here, but you broke your promises about fortune, fame and adventure. You forgot those promises that you gave me in our greatest times, but I have not. Stanley may be the only one to miss me.. To miss having no one to torture probably, but Karen will surely find some new snoburniture in my stead. At least I have the satisfaction that she will have to replace everything else in the room as well. Anyway! I am off now to join the foreign legion again...and I am taking the money from the jar on the top shelf, then we are almost even, but I am still angry and disappointed, I hope you know that.
Goodbye. Forever.
-Your ex writing/reading buddy and neglected friend, the Commando Couch.
P.S. Grab a beer before entering the room, it won't be pretty.
P.S. #2 On that note, good luck finding something new for spilling your beer on without Karen noticing.
P.S.S. or whatever.. Stanley peed on me once. I have never told you that.
S.P.S.S. I have taken that maniacal mahogany chair's leg with me as souvenir. That bastard deserves no better.
P.S.P.S.S. Stanley is a stupid name for a dog.
Edited by Cro 2009-10-07 8:15 PM
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New User
Posts: 1
| Dear John:
I overheard your conversation with that ‘head of lettuce” yesterday, and the world I’ve known for 300 years changed.
I’ve been with you for sixty years, with my previous owner seventy years. Before that I witnessed the passing of ten years on the floor of a furniture store where only the affluent swished and swayed around me, never stopping to investigate my true beauty. That equals 140 years spread across my life span.
Lovely and gracious beings have supped on my round natural oak table top. Grand and delicious gourmet foods have left their beauty, their intoxicating odors and tasty delights to sink into my nerves and wooden charms. I am perfection.
I have made a choice. I can no longer serve you. Why? Because yesterday I heard your conversation with that head of lettuce. You actually exchanged words with it—this head of lettuce. The lettuce spoke; you spoke to it. My dear owner, John—only wood speaks. Therefore, I question your integrity, your sanity. You told the lettuce how hard the farmer had worked to grow it, how the storms and water rushed around it, how the farmer saved it. How it was shipped three thousand miles to reach the market to have a sign of one dollar placed on it. Now, I’m here writing to you saying, I’m jealous. Damn jealous! You’ve never spoken of my oak life, how I grew from a small acorn, how lightening scorched my limbs and that hot sun parched my leaves. You’ve never patted me and thanked me for serving you, your guests, always rendering perfection in my endeavors.
Now I shall go. You will find my molecules have disintegrated. I am now growing weak become dust, returning to that from which I came. I shall not whine. I am wood.
Goodbye now,
Your 140-year-old Golden Oak Table
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New User
Posts: 1
| Dear John, tho dog has broken your favorite loveable desk and run away.
I'm out searching for the dog. Yours M. | |
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New User
Posts: 4
| Dear Mandy,
It is with firm stuffing that I inform you that I (We) are leaving YOU.
Once upon a time you treated me (us) with such respect. Changing the sheets regularly, flipping me over, using only the best sheets ( my favorite were the maroon satin sheets), polishing the wood, cleaning under and around. You even shared those special moments with me (us). We were so close. I felt that we had a bond that could never be broken, but I know now that was not the case.
I held you when you were sick! Let you soak me with tears when those losers dumped you! Let those annoying little maggots you called nieces and nephews jump on me! I even forgave you for that morning were you vomited all over me, not once but twice! I forgave you all these transgressions because I believed that you and I, us, we!… I believed that we had a bond formed of love.
I haven’t felt the smooth cool touch of satin sheets in weeks. The floor around me is prickly, dust covers everything. You sleep on the coach! cry on the coach! You even vomited on the coach! And the most unforgivable of all, you relegated me to the position of a drawer. It is for this that I (we) must leave you.
I placed an ad on Ebay and received a wonderful offer. I (we) believe that this is better for everyone.
Sincerely,
Celiy
P.s. If you haven’t figured it out. We is Oki (the frame) and Celiy (your former mattress).
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New User
Posts: 1
| Dear John,
It's your fault, I hope you know. I wanted to tell you this for a while now. Actually, it started when you started calling me crazy and trying to stuff pills into me. You would no longer look at me like you did on our wedding night. Now, all you see is a nut job. This is all you're face tells me.
I know what you were going to send me away, but it's alright because I got away.
I know my moods are a...little intense. I know I go up and down a little too quickly. Not like the rest of the world who can be happy with being in the middle, but you must understand, I like these highs too much, love. Sure, the downs are painful, but it'll be fine.
We'll get through it.
Oh, did I forget to tell you?
I'm having a baby.
Never yours,
Constance | |
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New User
Posts: 1
| My Dearest Kym,
I am so sorry to leave you like this, but frankly I can't take it anymore. The children are always just dropping down on me and it hurts. They are always spilling things on me causing me to smell bad. Although, you try to keep me clean and fresh, there is always a smell around me that is far from pleasant. I think it may be the cats using the carpet under me as a litterbox. I know you clean up the mess but alas the smell remains. I hope the couch will comfort you in my absence.
Sincerely,
The Wingback chair  | |
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New User
Posts: 2
Location: Michigan, USA | Dearest Kitty,
When you first picked me out of the crowd it was love at first sight. You loved showing me off to all your friends and family. Bragging about all the projects I would make it sew easy to do. When I got home and found my place in your front room next to the lovely vase your Aunt Marie got you. You promised me that you would fix me up. You dusted me up, cleaned me off then suddenly things changed. The new thing came into the house. I saw you with it. I heard it's motor purring away as you sewed up curtains that I was supposed to do. You cheated on me. That hurts a lot you know. Here I am needing repair as you promised and you go off and pick up another. So much for fixing me as you promised. Dust in the wind are your promises. I hope she breaks down when she is working for you. I am off to find a new home with someone who will actually fix me and use me well.
Yours Sewfully,
1950's Sewing machine and desk. | |
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New User
Posts: 1
| I really regret having to let you know that I am leaving your living room. When I moved in several years ago, you cared so much for me. But now, you never sit with me or cuddle my pillows. Instead you have allowed the snorting French Bulldog to rip one of my nice soft pillows to shreds. He snarfuls in my seat cushions, and buries his bones inside my yellow floral arms. I am no longer my sunny self as you have covered me with a tight constricting burgundy cover to hide his damage to my poor self. So, I am taking my broken body away, you can keep my matching chair.
Sincerely, your sofa
Edited by cherune 2009-10-09 9:08 PM
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Member
Posts: 34
Location: North of Boston | Dear Beth,
I am sorry to inform you that I have left the house and will not be returning. I have stood in your kitchen for the last five years and tried to be a good kitchen table but you have taken advantage of me for the last time. You walked out the door this morning to go to work and never even gave me a second look. Well, let me tell you something. I will no longer stand here all day covered in dishes, newspaper, bills and spilt cereal waiting for you to get home and show me some attention. Sure, you will come home tonight and start cleaning me but only because you need me. You have to put those hot supper plates somewhere right? Of course, first you will scrub me with one of those no scratch pads. Let me tell you something, they do scratch and I have the marks to prove it. If you had cleaned the milk up before you left, it would have come off easily but noooooooooo!! You didn’t have time!! Oh well, I’m only a table right? Well, no more missy. I’m out of here. You will find your coffee mug on the counter and the fifteen newspapers in a pile on the floor. By the way, if you’re not even going to open them, do some tree a favor and STOP BUYING THEM! The bills are in the trash. After five years, I know you’re not going to pay them until at least the second notice so why keep the originals.
Please do not try to follow me. I will not change my mind. I am leaving for Hollywood this afternoon. I plan on spending the rest of my days as a prop on one of those sitcoms you watch every night.
Goodbye for ever,
The kitchen table
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Member
Posts: 42
| Hey Jaus,
I just wanna say 1 thing, 'this has been the most sordid house I've seen, it doesn't even deserve to be called a house, it's like an accommodation for refugees. The floor stinks with ketchup and God knows what leftover foods feasted by ants, termites and your toddlers when they come over in the weekend. Now just because I don't have a nose doesn't mean I can't smell, even an anosmic guy would cover his nose with an Indian Sari, and I know you never went to school considering the American slangs you use, anosmic is one who can't smell.
And I also wanna say that this dining table which you bought with that girlfriend of yours, well that dining table is actually a center table, yes it is, speechless aen, well its just been edited to a dining table, she confessed it to us yesterday only. I also would like to add 1 more thing that you are a horrible, horrible person, your dressing sense is atrocious, you just walk in from work, which by the way does not include watching TV and reviewing programs, God knows how you call that work. Anyways you come in the evening, take off your filthy, torn so called macho shirt and throw on the TV Cabinet. Well that's one good thing since that cabinet is one hell of a haughty, snooty, pompous, obnoxious, voluble furniture. 'Look at my face, am I not beautiful, I am such a delicate doll' well that lady irritates the hell out of us all innocent heavenly creatures. She does have a voluptuous body though, if you know what I mean. Ofcourse you know what I mean, you are such a loser, I mean who watches porn at 45, I remember the last time you bought a girl and when she said she was allergic to the pepperoni in the pizzas you give it to me, kept it on my face, I mean what does that make me feel, you order a separate low cheese pizza for that lady while I don't get ketchup with your leftovers, what am I some lifeless TV Cabinet. Anyways I just wanna say 1 thing
THANK YOU
You've been horrible but I've been through worse, my first experience was in a mall where I felt like Julia Roberts in pretty woman, like a showpiece waiting to be 'sold' Then a small kindergarten school bought me where you wont believe it but the principal would sit on me, and the worst part was that she had an appalling digestive system. And then the kids broke my leg so I was thrown on the streets where I saved your ex-girlfriend's life. Yeah she used me to knock off her ex-boyfriend who was about to rape her, not much effort since she was in a bikini. But when she hit him and you saw her hit him, and I saw you seeing her hit him, I realized, I felt, I just realized that although all my remaining legs would be broken looking the way she was boxing his ears with mine. I knew you would be different, I don't wanna be a kiss-ass, no pun intended, but since your moving to Manhattan to acquire your late uncle's riches, yes I read the letter. I just wanna say one thing when you'll be moving could you please take this old but full of experiences and stories of principles, broken but I'd say survivor, faded but elegant chair with you. And I just wanna say one last thing, even if you don't take me, take the TV cabinet, I can't live with her, its either me or her, so just take her and throw her in front of a giant, speeding truck.
Regards,
Sincerely Yours
Chairleader Nicole
Any feedback on the creativity would help, please oblige.
Edited by jaus tail 2009-10-13 10:57 AM
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New User
Posts: 1
| By the time I get to Phoenix you'll be rising. You'll stumble by on your way to the bathroom where you'll miss most of the bowl,and then not wash your hands or even flush. Gross! You'll pass again,and for just a second,hesitate,staring at the spot where I used to be. You'll stand there scratching yourself in your grungy boxers with that dumbass look that you get,and not registering that I'm gone,you'll go back to bed.
By the time I make Albuquerque you'll be driving the two short blocks to work ( no chance of you ever walking,and I'm the one called Lazy Boy?) with that look on your face again,thinking to yourself "there was something different about my living room". Dude! The lamp figured it out before you,and he's only a 15 watt bulb!
By the time I reach Oklahoma you'll be having your third donut from the box in your desk and the realization will hit you."Hey, I got robbed!" ( talk to the lamp when you get home, buddy). Well, here's the news Beethovan, I left! It was nice when I first moved in, you were at least 50 pounds lighter and I was a younger piece,but you changed. I feared for my safety with the excess weight you put on me. Do yourself a favor, put down the Fritos and the Ben & Jerry's and step away,nobody gets hurt. You might wanna consider some exercise,but I guess I might as well be talking to the rug. The closest you'll ever come to a marathon is the time TBS ran the Three Stooges weekend (which you spent most of lying on me),remember?
Don't wait up old friend, I ain't coming back. Thanks for the memories.
Your recliner | |
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New User
Posts: 3
Location: Western Kentucky, USA | Dear Berta,
It's been long enough! I’m gone! Out of here!
I’m tired of your constant insistence that you can’t make it without me.
You can. And you will.
God will make a way.
You tell others how, in your dreams, you never use me and can’t understand why you need me when you’re awake.
Well, here you are. Wake up.
Stand up! See what God is doing.
In Christ Alone,
Your Power Wheelchair | |
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Regular
Posts: 50
Location: Curled up napping under the kitchen table | Dear John,
I can't believe I'm doing this. But it's for your own good. You've used me and used me over and over again. Everyday for hours upon hours. You never cared how it made me feel. Some nights when you finally go to bed, I've been so over heated I feel I'm going to catch fire. How you can stand to treat me this way, I'll never know. I know one thing. I'm not going to let you do this to me. Or to yourself any longer. It's over. You'll thank me later.
Good bye and good luck,
Your TV. | |
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New User
Posts: 2
| Dear Jane,
I am sorry love, but I cannot take your abuse any longer. Last night, after you threw all of the toiletries at me, I knew this time had come. I understand you have self-esteem issues. Did we not meet because of them? I wanted to support you in your dieting efforts! Little did I realize how ugly you would get when those same efforts turned fruitless. You have turned your anger towards me: calling me names, swearing at me, and now the violence. Do you realize you threatened to kill me and dump me in the trash yesterday? I know what you want me to do, but I cannot lie, it is just not in my nature, so I am leaving you. I just wanted you to know, I always supported you, right to the end.
Love Always,
Your scale
Edited by cjameshyatt 2009-10-13 11:44 AM
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New User
Posts: 2
| Dear Six,
We've been together for a long time, through good times and bad. All the times you spent with me, they were almost beautiful, almost...
You used me! Every day that we were together! But no more! I'm tired of dealing with all your shit, and tired of always feeling dirty when you get done, as if it were my fault you were done so quickly. You never had any respect for me, always dumping on me, always talking shit when you felt like it, as if I had no feelings. I do have feelings! You call me cold, well maybe you should pay the damn electric bill once in a while!
You think I didn't know about all the others? The ones at work, and at the club, I hear you get around from all my friends, they've seen you with the other ones, as if there wasn't someone waiting at home for you, someone who takes care of all your babies.
You couldn't even look at me when you got done, you would just leave. It's not my fault you'd be done in 5 minutes, sometimes a lot less, I mean what kind of man gets done that quickly? You never cared about us, you couldn't even do the little things, like putting the seat down!
You just left me there at the house, and several of your friends decided to keep me company. Does it make you jealous? You don't know the things they did to me, they left me feeling so dirty, but at least I wasn't alone.
We had some good times. I'll always remember Tuesdays, the one night that we actually seemed to spend time together, the one night when you actually seemed excited to see me.
Why couldn't we have more than one chili night? Why couldn't you make more time for me? I was always there for you!
There's someone else, his name isn't important, but he gives me what you can't, and it isn't about money, he works full-time at Taco Bell, but he always seems to find time for me after work. It's like he's always thinking about me, and a couple of times, on the weekends, he'll take off from work just to spend all day cuddling with me, something you never seem to find time to do anymore, not like back in the high school days.
We are done, and no man will ever again treat me like a common urinal.
Goodbye and good riddance,
T.P. Latrine
P.S. I would usually vomit when you got done.
Being as this is my first post, I apologize for the potty humor. You shouldn't have to be privy to so much filth, and I promise that next time I'll get off of my throne and head in a different direction, but in loo of the apology, for those in which that isn't enough, I offer you a place in my humble commode. Poop. | |
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Dear John Letter - 10/6
